Repent, Repent!

At some point in my early life, I was (for a very brief moment) wise beyond my years and made the decision that a church wasn’t meant for me. I just didn’t like it. Plus, it’s probably one of the leading causes of death throughout our history. I’m fortunate to not have any violently traumatic experiences associated with a church, but I do have an amazing repertoire of relationships and times that have been damaged in the name of personal beliefs. It happens more often than I’d like.

I also have incredibly little knowledge in theology. Although I do have an above-average history of anthropological education. I’m stupidly curious. I spent way more time in school than I should’ve. 

Throughout this experience though, everyone has been so unexpectedly welcoming and respectful. For the first time in my life, I’ve actually been asked if I have any moral implications before being blessed. When the hell did everyone get so mature?

Except, (of course, there’s always an exception) the one old acquaintance that reached out and blatantly assumed my health troubles were due to the amount of drugs I was consuming. Mind you, this is someone I’ve had no interaction with in a decade. Someone with no current knowledge of my life, where I stand, what I’ve done, what I continue to do, who I surround myself with, and is unfamiliar with my mentality. Still, despite not knowing, she proceeded to wishfully warn that the “good lord should take mercy on my poor soul” because you know, I’m truly evil and in dire need of salvation.

My response was short for selfish reasons, brevity is incredibly useful. My time and effort are far too precious to waste on something so trivial and meaningless. I retain no hard feelings, but it is a perfect example of the ignorance that will make you lose things along the way. Zealotry and stupidity at its finest.

My relationship with god and spirituality is not a complicated one. I simply do not know enough and I never will. So it remains largely respectful. However, I am edgy, I am a product of what I grew up with, and I all too often lash out against religion. Plus, I have an affinity for the hidden and occult, the darker side of things. The imagery. The stories and art associated with it. I proudly live in traditional sin.

Nevertheless, I appreciate the effort to keep me in prayer, meditation, & thought circles. To keep me, in any sort of positive mental capacity, it’s a beautiful place to be in. It’s a place I can’t complain about being in. Only a fool would do so. 

I am a believer in the power of ones own conscience. I’m weird that way. I’d rather give an individual effort and quality to a person and our interactions than to whatever subset they’re a part of. It’s only fair, even though I’m frequently on the receiving end of such lectures. Go figure. Oh the humanity.