There’ll be another idea

Down the road ? Sure. As good, or as bad? Debateable.

But it’s a thought that somehow came to life in your mind. And somehow, it was good enough to stay present and materialize some more. Think about all your thoughts. We often retain things, but seldom chase after it.

Yes, there’s always exceptions. With everything. I don’t really discuss exceptions with people. Kinda pointless in my opinion. Don’t bring them up. I’m not listening.

With the maturity of the internet, I want you to know that not everything in life has to be mentioned or monetized.

It’s not your fault. You, we, have been conditioned to behave this way. Especially now, everything is an ad. Designed to get something from you. Money, time, information ? Whatever, someone wants it and we are sometimes more than willing to provide.

But I say, live dangerously. Tell us what your favorite restaurant of the week is and then never mention it again. Show us that workout. Your process for developing film. That painting that looks hilarious. The poem that sounds depressing. Or the recipe that’s supposed to be delicious but tastes off.

Go ahead and post that blurry picture.

But by all means, if it takes off, it takes off. And ain’t no one with enough stakes to have a say; except you. So if your intention materializes, ride it out and ride it well, but don’t feel bad if “nothing” comes from it.

Everything is something. Even nothing.

-Chris

Living on Autopilot

Grief isn’t linear.

It’s suffocating, almost hard to even process. And when it’s not suffocating, it’s just a dull pain that doesn’t ease up no matter what I do.

I catch myself spacing out, losing track of time, feeling disconnected.

I find small pockets of joy but I can’t fully feel joy like I used to. I don’t know if it will always be this way. I want to care, I want to do so much for me, for us. But as much as I don’t want to admit, I just don’t have it in me right now.

Grief-induced anhedonia.

-Jen

Thank you…

Just want to share that this page isn’t going anywhere. I will do my best to update it with stuff Chris never added, photos sitting around, my own thoughts/ideas/nonsense. All of the stuff that I know would make Chris smile.

So bear with me as I figure this out.

If this is your first time here or if you are a returning visitor….Hi and thank you.

CHRIS FOREVER!

-Jen

Maybe, maybe

Antigua, Guatemala

When you play out the scenarios, it’s not a stretch to think of some really screwy things. And you’re often right to think so. The worst of the worse case scenarios are sometimes just a few steps away from reality.

But I like to think our smarter selves should accept that they just don’t and won’t ever know. I like to think that things and people and people-things should have some benefit of the doubt.

Obviously, there’s exceptions. There’s always exceptions. I hate it when people try to prove a point using exceptions. If you ask me, all of life is a fucking exception.

Like your past week. Your past year. Your entire lineage. The entire collection of forsaken exceptions that had to take place to bring you here.

Then realize that it’s not only your collection exceptions. But also the catalogue of exceptions from your friends, from their families, their families friends, and so on.

They’re not always pretty. They’re not always ugly. And sometimes they’re pretty ugly. I was forced to accept that sometimes these sometimes-pretty-ugly exceptions can crumble just enough to make way for something else.

They probably won’t. But they just might.

So, don’t bother being righteous. Don’t bother to preach about the chances and odds. Don’t bother to preach about the things that should and shouldn’t be.

I’m not listening. You shouldn’t either.