Living on Autopilot

Grief isn’t linear.

It’s suffocating, almost hard to even process. And when it’s not suffocating, it’s just a dull pain that doesn’t ease up no matter what I do.

I catch myself spacing out, losing track of time, feeling disconnected.

I find small pockets of joy but I can’t fully feel joy like I used to. I don’t know if it will always be this way. I want to care, I want to do so much for me, for us. But as much as I don’t want to admit, I just don’t have it in me right now.

Grief-induced anhedonia.

-Jen